THE TIN MAN

I wrote this the other night, after I read about the passing of an online acquaintance. I wrote this piece and its a work in progress, but it sums up many of our ups and downs. I'd like to title this--could use some input. Thanks and I hope today's a low pain day for everyone.

Blessings,
Cyn

NOTE: Perhaps I should re-title this THE TIN (WO)MAN since I lack that one bit of rusty metal that would make me a male. 

THE TIN MANby Cyn Rankin September 2014
You never know what a disease like CRPS is capable of doing until you or someone you know is affected.
It systematically ruins your life--day by day, second by second.
CRPS ruins your family's life.
Marriages fall apart.
Intimacy ceases to exist.
Family and friends turn their backs on you.
You miss milestones in your kids lives...times you'll never get back.
You lose the ability to perform the simplest of tasks: tying your shoes, putting on a bra, brushing your hair--even signing your name.
People stop asking "How are you doing? Do you need anything?" They assume that because you look OK that you are OK. STOP ASSUMING!
People think that because I have taken the time to put on a "Face" and smile that I am faking...looks are deceiving. I give the illusion of normalcy--keyword is ILLUSION.
With CRPS careers are lost.
Dreams of retirement vanish.
Hobbies and passion disappear.
College degrees are worthless.
You measure your days in "spoons".
Many days I become the person living vicariously through my online world watching life pass me by through my front window.
Plans get canceled, vacations cease to exist...and then the invites trickle to a stop.
You lose your dignity, integrity and self respect--instead of being greeted with a "Hello" I am more often greeted with an empty urine cup & asked for a sample.
With CRPS you become a researcher on treatments, an advocate for your care and an expert of medications, but careful...that can falter and make you look like an addict!
The Days I spent working out in the gym because I wanted a hot body are replaced with days of excruciating hell in a  physical therapists office because I HAVE to keep moving. 
You become dependent on others for rides, cooking, cleaning, dressing & filling out mountains of paperwork.
You laugh when you hear people dole out lines you hear over and over again, like a broken record:
 "Have you tried?"
"Maybe you're just depressed"
""Look into juicing (vitamins, supplements, purified water, mangosteen--the miracle fruit"
"Have you watched Dr. Oz? He says...."
I've heard it all., smiled and said "Thank you" all the while I am swearing like a sailor inside of my head.

My once active life is replaced with a day-planner chock full of doctors appointments, PT/OT, tests and specialist. 
Life has become waiting in line at the pharmacy or on hold on the phone.
Bank accounts are depleted because the costs if medications, treatments, travel and therapy are astronomical.
Doctors tell you to "lock up your meds and trust no one", and time is spent counting out pills--but careful again, because counting can make you look like an addict.
Stress levels run through the roof and is punctuated with periods of depression, daily anxiety and spasms.
Nights are spent awake, crying into a pillow so no one hears you.
Doctors look at you suspiciously, in some cases you're thrown out of ERs.
Pharmacists scrutinize you and don't come to the pharmacy a day early because that will get you labeled an addict.
You are looked at like a criminal--treated like an addict.
You lose time yet time stands still.
Bit by bit you lose memories, you lose your sense of humor, lose sleep, lose your mind. 
People call you "negative", tell you "Get over it".
Life with CRPS is a lonely existence...And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

All because I have become The Tin Man.